They Missed The R
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,
He pointed out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy,it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies..
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.' He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery Where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He finds him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed theR! We missed the R! We missed the R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,
"The word was... CELEBRATE! "
The Original Q and A Cutsheet about the Internet...
Q. What, exactly, is the Internet?
A. The Internet is a worldwide network of university, government, business, and private computer systems.
Q. Who runs it?
A. A 13-year-old named Jason.
Q. How can I get on the Internet?
A. The easiest way is to sign up with one of the popular commercial "online" services, such as Prodigy, CompuServe, or America Online, which will give you their program disks for free... Or if you just leave your house unlocked, they'll sneak in some night and install their programs on your computer when you're sleeping. They really want your business.
Q. What are the benefits of these services?
A. The major benefit is that they all have simple, "user-friendly" interfaces that enable you -- even if you have no previous computer experience -- to provide the online services with the information they need to automatically put monthly charges on your credit card bill forever.
Q. What if I die?
A. They don't care.
Q. Can't I cancel my account?
A. Of course! You can cancel your account at anytime.
A. Nobody has ever been able to find out. Some of us have been trying for years to cancel our online service accounts, but no matter what we do, the charges keep appearing on our bills. We're thinking of entering the Federal Witness Protection Program.
Q. What if I have children?
A. You'll want an anesthetic, because it really hurts.
Q. No, I mean, What if my children also use my Internet account?
A. You should just sign your house and major internal organs over to the online service right now.
Q. Aside from running up charges, what else can I do once I'm connected to an online service?
A. Millions of things! An incredible array of things! No end of things!
Q. Like what?
A. You can ... ummmm ... OK! I have one! You can chat.
Q. I can already chat. I chat with my friends now.
A. Yes, but on the Internet, which connects millions of people all over the entire globe, you can chat with total strangers.
Q. Why would I want to do that?
A. Because you get to guess if anything they are telling you is really true.
Q. People really pay for this?
I moved into a new apartment and it was Monday before they could connect the cable and Internet. It was just like camping out... :-))
During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place.
"I was just stupid," I teased. He quickly retorted, "I am so happy to hear that..."
I requested an explanation.
"We are going to have a long marriage. People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love; but I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
People don't like to look dumpy in their own snapshots, which is why my husband, a professional photographer, gets a lot of requests asking him to retouch photos.
You know, erase the crow's-feet, lop off the love handles. So I wasn't surprised when one woman, pointing to a family portrait, asked him, "Can you take 30 pounds off me?" until she added, "And put it on my sister?"
While I was serving as a juror, I chanced to share the elevator one morning with a visiting judge. He asked me where the jurors parked, and I informed him that we had our own lot several blocks away.
Then it occurred to me that he might be having a problem finding a place for his car, so I continued, "but, Your Honor, they have a special place reserved for judges down below."
"Yes," he said dryly, "I'm sure they do."
As a promotional gimmick for my restaurant, I send out coupons offering people a free dinner on their birthdays. One day an anxious-sounding man called. "I got your card. How did you find me?"
"From a mailing list I purchased from a supplier," I told him. "Why?"
"It used my real name, and I'm in the Witness Protection Program. What's the name of the company?"
I didn't want to say it, but I had to tell him the truth: Moving Targets.
Two little boys, ages eight and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town has been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent the eight-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son"?
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed and his mouth hanging open. So, the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God"?
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God"?
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened"?
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in big trouble this time! " "God is missing and they think we did it!"
In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: "Think!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign, and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "Thoap!"
Have a great day!